She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
