I'm going to jail i love you
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
