Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
