oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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