I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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