An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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