The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Do vagina's smell?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
