and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
