umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
