guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
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i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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