DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I supernannyed him into submission
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
