Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize