dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
