I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
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For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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