I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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