My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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