im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
