Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
