it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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