I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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