I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
