Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
