I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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