sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
