I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
