It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
