it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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