hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize