First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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