I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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