Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
