try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
