He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
