I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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