i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
