Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
