its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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