I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
