I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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