you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was CRYING into my vagina
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
