I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
