I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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