if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
