Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
