If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
