I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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