the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i think i have two assholes
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
