dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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