You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
