Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize