No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
