I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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