sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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