If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
