Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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