What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize