I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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