Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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