Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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