Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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