I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
