nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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