Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
