I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The ass gains better be worth it
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