everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
