really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
