oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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